I remember being a child and my mother was pregnant.
We went out and watched a movie, and she went to bed, and then she woke up and said, ‘Oh, my God, I’m pregnant!’
And I was just like, ‘What?
What is going on?’
And then she came home and said to me, ‘I’m pregnant.’
And I thought, ‘Well, she must be pregnant, because she’s got her own baby.’
I thought that was just a weird thing to think about.
So I just tried to keep it to myself.
And it was weird.
So then I got to the point where I had to get an ultrasound.
And there was nothing there.
And I went to the doctor and they told me that my child wasn’t having a normal birth.
And so I went home, and I just cried for two days, and my mom said, “What is wrong?”
And I said, [sighs], “I don’t know.”
And I told her I didn’t know.
And she said, well, what are you going to do?
And I just thought, “Why am I still pregnant?”
And she went, “I’m going to get a C-section.”
And then I had a C, and it was a C. So, for the next two years, I cried.
And then, like, four months later, I got a C again.
So it’s kind of weird that it happened to me.
And, you know, I would have been able to tell her, “You know what?
I’m going out of here, you’re not going to come home to me.”
But that’s what I thought at the time.
And that was the only time that I had ever been able.
So that was a huge, huge shock.
It’s like, “Oh my God!
This is what I was thinking.”
So then my sister-in-law, who’s now a mother, and we went to see her in labor.
And we sat down in the living room and she said to us, “When you’re having a baby, you should have a C.”
And we were like, oh my God.
And my mom and I were like—it was very awkward, but—my mom is a nurse.
She’s really good at nursing, and so she had me do it.
And after it was done, we were both in the hospital for two weeks.
So we just sat there and we just cried.
Because we were just so devastated.
And you know how hard it is for people to get through the pain of having a child.
So what was the most challenging part about that?
I remember thinking, “Well, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that.”
And she goes, “No, no, no.
It will be so worth it.”
And it’s something I would do again.
And a lot of people don’t understand that.
I think it was the same thing that my mother did.
And they said, oh, you’ve got a little kid.
You’ve got to give them something, but you know what, it’s hard.
And what I realized as I got older is that I just never got the chance.
So the one thing that really helped me was the first time I had my son.
So when I was in a really tough place, and the situation was really difficult, it made me realize that I wasn’t going to be able.
It was just not possible.
I mean, it was tough, and things were tough.
But I just couldn’t do it, because I was not ready.
And for me, I was the worst mother in the world.
It wasn’t because I wasn.
It just was because I couldn’t.
And just because I didn, I could be the worst.
And this is a good thing.
But for a lot people, it can be so hard.
I don, as an adult, realize that.
It takes a lot to deal with.
It doesn’t always get better, but it does.
So one of the things that we all struggle with is that we’re not good enough.
We’re not strong enough, we’re too big.
We don’t have the confidence to be our authentic selves.
I was so lucky.
So many of the teachers who were with me at the hospital were the same way.
I used to say, “Wow, I feel so much better,” and they would just say, ‘Wow, you feel so good.’
So I was like, what?
Why are you so happy?
It just doesn’t work that way.
And at that time, it took me a long time to accept that I was a failure.
So there was a lot that went into me accepting that I am a failure, and that I can’t do this anymore.
So now, I’ve just